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It Is My Job To Exist As...
...a shining beacon of hope in the heartland
By: Juli Eklund
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| Wednesday, 27-Oct-2004 00:00 |
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It's raining, it's pouring!
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Gather your ingredients
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Use caution with sharp objects
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Ready to bake
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I need a medic. Where's Sean when I need him?
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Extra apple slices make a nice personal tart
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Tigger and Pooh are ready to feast!
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Which makes it perfect weather to get off my butt and bake a pie with those wonderful, fresh-picked apples I brought back from Wisconsin.
6 cups sliced apples
1 cup sugar
2 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon cinnamon (ok, the recipe said teaspoon, but I like cinnamon)
1 tablespoon butter
Pastry for double crust pie (store bought, my homemade always comes out tough)
1 tube neosporin ointment
1 band-aid brand wound dressing
Set store bought pastry aside to thaw.
Peel and core apples. Slice apples taking care not to include the tips of fingers and/or thumbs. Apply neosporin and band-aid(s) to cut(s). Discard skin flaps.
Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Yes now. That's why they call it pre-heating.
Dump sugar, flour and cinnamon on apples. Mix well. No, I did not pre-mix the dry ingredients. Sue me.
Dump apple mixture into one of the thawed pie crusts, preferably the one you left in the pie tin. Gently try to flatten pastry for pie top without ripping it. Roll pastry into ball and beat into submission with rolling pin when you are unable to flatten pastry without ripping it.
Cut vent holes in the top pastry with a pizza cutter. (Yes, the goal is to dirty as many utensils as possible so the knife you used to peel, core, and slice the apples will not do) Try to apply pastry to top of pie without ripping it. Rip pastry when you lift it back up as you remember that you forgot to moisten the edge of the bottom pastry with water before applying the top. Use overhang pastry to patch rips in crust. Wrap edge of pie with tinfoil to keep it from carbonizing. Cram butter into vent holes because you forgot to "dot butter on top of apple mixture" before putting the top crust on.
Cook for 25 minutes at 375 degrees. Remove foil taking care not to hit your arm on the side of the hot oven. Apply neosporin to burn but DO NOT COVER. Never cover a burn. Continue cooking pie for another 20 to 25 minutes or until crust is the exact shade of brown like Benjamin Moore Paints Golden Bark which is a lovely golden brown.
Cool pie on rack.
Serving suggestions: A plate and fork do nicely, but you can eat with your hands if you insist. Some people like ice cream, some like cheddar cheese. Whatever floats your boat...
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View complete fotopage
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but like you said, whatever floats your boat.... 
